Tom Ralis was his name. You can hear him sing here:
https://soundcloud.com/tom_ralis/mr-tom ... e-somebody
Talented singer. He could have lived off that, in addition to PUA and skiing lessons. And don't forget he studied biology I think it was at Oxford.
He was multitalented. I suspect that's why he needed "freedom" that much. If you have many interests, it's much harder to keep a regular job than if you have only a couple. You want to be able to go where your moods take you, and you have many moods, whereas narrower people have fewer and as a result they are much more attracted to regularity.
A lot of good comments on Krauser's post. Here are a few. I'll post more later.
https://krauserpua.com/2021/12/31/tom-t ... ent-157982
Sherston wrote:
Finally, finally after years of lurking, on 25 March 2019 I said ‘fuck it’, plugged in my headphones, switched on Tom’s audio guide to your first day game session, and walked out into Vilnius old town. Nine approaches in and I could hardly have been happier. Then on the tenth, Tom’s voice calmly guiding me through it, I approached a girl from the side, her face not fully visible. She stopped like a dream and….I stood there, gob-smacked. Genuinely one of the most beautiful human beings I had ever seen was staring at me. All honey-blonde, fur coat, and Ukrainian. Eyes sparkling, willing me to go on.
It was the first of many Matrix
-like moments of day game; time-freezing beauty which too few men ever experience. And it was thanks to Tom. A man who’s stock-in-trade was a deeply humane, everyday sort of witchcraft.
I wrote him a garbled email of thanks after that first day which he kindly turned into a little article on his blog. I’m mortified that I never followed it up with the London pint I promised and which I so assuredly owed him.
I’ve rarely been so hollowed out by the death of a man I never met face to face.
It’s clear from the comments above, that I was not alone in feeling that Tom filled a uniquely precious spot in my world view.
I often feel the same flavour of inspiration when watching Tom’s work as when reading Hemingway, his fiction and his biography. A sense of the potential, through the struggle, of what modern life might be:
‘A man can be destroyed but not defeated.’
I’ll miss you, you dirty bastard. Thank you.
*******
Nick: an excellent and thoughtful tribute. Is there a way of getting some of these comments collated and to Tom’s family ?
https://krauserpua.com/2021/12/31/tom-t ... ent-158022
Victoria wrote:
Tom was the best man in the world.
Our story began 8 years ago, when I was still a student.
Our trip to Barcelona with him changed my life. It was next to him that I felt beautiful, self-confident, I felt loved. He was still sincere, attentive, charismatic, self-confident. Next to him I felt like a Queen.
This trip was incredible and changed my inner world. I dreamed of such a man. We continued to communicate and I always believed and wanted to be his girlfriend, because I never felt so happy with any man. We traveled together, he taught me a lot and the moment came when my dream came true. And we began to live together. It was such happiness. I always wondered how, with such a lifestyle and such a hobby, he remained real and honest. I have always been attracted by his love of life and his open heart.
Going to sleep in one bed, I thanked God for this gift and the opportunity to be together. This is an indescribable feeling.
He is the best man in the world. Next to him you feel calmness, confidence, joy. And this was our best time and I am grateful to him for that. I knew what he was doing and it didn’t bother me at all, although I admit that at times I was jealous of other girls.
The world has lost such a great, talented person.
He was truly a man with a capital letter.
He has helped so many, inspired so many, made so many happy.
He lived a rich and interesting life and you can learn from him.
He knew how to surprise and delight.
Forever in my heart❤️[Thank you for sharing this. K.]
https://krauserpua.com/2021/12/31/tom-t ... ent-158049
Glenn wrote:
In one of Toms vlogs, he was driving into the mountains of Slovenia. Tom had a few days “off” and had spontaneously booked a flight to Slovenia and rented a car at the airport.
We could follow along in the car and hear his voice in the background while we had the front seat view. It was a sunny day, and the scenery was breath-taking with green fields and mountains, as far as the eye could see. His message was simple:
If not now, then when?
Many years before, in July 2014, we met outside McDonalds in Riga. I was in my mid-40s and had booked a 5-day residential. I was nervous and excited.
Tom had booked an apartment at the top floor of an apartment building, next to a church in the old town. There was a national choir competition in Riga, so Tom and I woke up every morning to the sound of choirs singing in the church next to us. It was an interesting backdrop.
Tom was helping me with texting the girls in the morning (“You are at the gym working on your long legs?!”), and in the afternoon we went out to approach the local women. 12-15 sets a day was the Torero recipe. It was learning by doing.
I have never been able to replicate the results from that week, so Tom’s presence and guidance worked like magic.
The next summer I quit my job and started traveling and learning daygame full-time. Tom loved daygame, travelling and adventure, and you soon realised that you loved it too.
Let us honour Tom’s great memory and spirit by living life to the fullest (“Grabbing life by the horns”).
Thank you, Tom. You will always be on my mind.
Thank you Nick for a lovely tribute and for letting us share our memories.
https://krauserpua.com/2021/12/31/tom-t ... ent-158067
timway22 wrote:
Another post from me, as I’ve been speaking with Tom’s mum on the phone several times since last week and wanted to clear some things up.
As most people now know, Tom took his own life, and the fake news article did play a part in that although it wasn’t the only factor, I won’t go into anything else online. Tom’s mum wanted me to make that clear to prevent any speculation on the internet. I have told her about all the tributes for Tom that have been coming in here and elsewhere and she was very touched by that.
Some people asked me about the funeral, when it is, if they can attend or make donations/send flowers etc. Tom’s family would prefer the gathering to be limited to close friends and relatives with family flowers only, I think they are planning to put the service on YouTube so people in the community can watch though. Any donations they would like to go to the mental health charity MIND. Here in Switzerland, we are planning our own service for Tom with his friends from the skiing community up in the mountains later this week.
Regarding making Tom’s content available, I have a lot of his podcasts on my laptop from when I helped him reupload everything two years ago. He has also left some hard drives and an old laptop at my house in the UK, I am not sure what is on them or what his family want done with them though. If any content is uploaded it will only be done with the express permission of his family and will be made available for free, one of Tom’s friends has offered to fund this. I’ll speak to Tom’s mum about this in the future when everything has settled a bit and I’m back in the UK. For the moment his family have made it clear that absolutely nothing should be uploaded without permission and legal procedures will be used to enforce this.
I still can’t believe Tom is really gone, it feels like I’ve lost a close family member. I’ll never be able to wind him up again by playing K-pop videos on his home projector or hiding plastic slugs in his shoe. Goodbye my friend, I’m sure you’re up there with your Dad flirting with the angels and getting them to take their halos off. You helped me so many times, I wish I’d been able to help you at the end. Tim
https://krauserpua.com/2021/12/31/tom-t ... ent-158072
1v9daygame wrote:
I first discovered Tom back in 2012 in the daygame.com days, when I was a socially clueless university student. Hearing Tom talk about his own struggles in early adulthood – and how daygame was the catalyst for his transformation, was what inspired me to commit to hitting the streets and improving my own dating life.
I never met Tom, although I did see him once in person in Sydney at Pitt St Mall, coaching a student. I was too shy to say hello and thought I would be interrupting his coaching session. A short time later I approached a nice blonde girl and out of the corner of my eye I saw Tom and the student watching on. The socially savvy daygamer he was, he must have spotted my approach and beckoned the student to come observe with him. Inspired by his presence, my vibe was on point that set, albeit I didn’t get the number. As I walked off, I heard Tom say to the student “ah that was unlucky, he did well there”. I regret not saying hello to him that day, but hearing his praise still remains a memorable daygame moment for me almost a decade later.
In the years to come, Tom was my imaginary wing on many a solo dagyame session. I’d have his Tom Torero podcasts “cumming in my ears” while I hit the streets. I’d always try and do the first approach ASAP – “first one’s the worst one” as Tom would always say.
In 2019, inspired by Tom’s tales of euro jaunting, I quit my corporate banking job and did a 3 month trip around Middle and Eastern Europe. It was a surreal feeling talking to girls in the same places I’d recognised Tom doing approaches from his video travel blogs. The memories and adventures with girls I had on that trip are largely in part to Tom’s trailblazing ways and him encouraging other guys to do the same.
There was a couple of reasons for me why Tom stood out from other daygame coaches. His constant calls to action, to “grab life by the horns” and to document in video form all the massive action he was taking and adventures he was having. He constantly told guys not just to be theory junkies. He wouldn’t just preach about the 10/10 challenge (approaching 10 girls, 10 days in a row), he’d lead from the front and do it himself – every year.
I also admire how Tom never got drawn into the negativity of the manopshere. He never “hated on” women, he always spoke of how he loved women and their femineity. His videos and podcasts were always full of warmth, positivity and cheeky humour. I remember many stressful times back in my corporate life where I’d play his podcasts during my lunchbreak just to hear his friendly voice. He spoke openly about his own struggles with the black dog, and his reminders that “we control the weather in our own head” got me through many of those tough days. It really saddens me knowing that we couldn’t help him in his darkest days like he had helped so many of us before.
Rest in Peace Uncle Tom. You may not be with us anymore, but your legacy will live on for many years to come.
https://krauserpua.com/2021/12/31/tom-t ... ent-158076
iamoutsourcepower wrote:
Before I discovered Tom torero I was 26, surviving on Jobseeker’s Allowance and had only experienced maybe a handful of disastrous dates from okcupid/pof. I had no self worth, I felt completely trapped and hopeless and I’d often contemplate, even attempt, suicide.
In 2015 I discovered daygame.com and most importantly Tom torero. Over the years I’ve religiously consumed all of his free content, books, seminars and video products. Fast forward to today and I’ve now had 2 long term relationships, several beautiful flings and lots of magical one time experiences ;). I’m now a digital nomad that can live and work wherever I want. I’ve not only been blessed with connecting with hundreds, if not thousands, of wonderful women from every walk of life, but I’ve also built some cherished long term friendships.
I credit Tom with my new life and the truly mind-blowing experiences that I’ve had over the last 6-7 years. I’d often dabble in other influencers content but I’d always come back to Tom because he avoided all of the toxic red pill, woman/society hating nonsense. He was average looking, like me, and only ever preached happy feel good and cheeky vibes. While I’d watch other guys crumble to other influencers (money making) negativity. He’d always keep me humble and centred and remind me of how beautiful life is and how blessed I should be to share this unique gift of connecting with the world.
A couple of days ago I was in bed with a lovely lady and I burst into tears, as if one of my dearest friends had just passed away. I guess in that moment it just hit me of how much of an impact he had in my life. I was in bed with a beautiful Greek woman, all because I ran around, showed her my tiger eyes and gave her a cheeky little comment about her walk.
In honour of Tom, I’m determined to travel to lots of new countries this year, as I’ve been a little lazy on that front.
Thank you, Tom, you changed my life.
https://krauserpua.com/2021/12/31/tom-t ... ent-158080
Ollie Holt wrote:
Beautiful post Nick. RIP Tom.
I first met Tom when I signed up to a daygame.com bootcamp in late 2011. Him and John absolutely blew my mind that weekend. In fact, you were there, Krauser, filming some of my infield which Tom & Jon analysed later that day. The three of you combined completely transformed my life and my relationships that weekend, and for that I will be eternally grateful.
Tom was an incredible teacher and such a wonderful person to be around. That such a tragedy could happen to him is unthinkable.
I wish only love and happiness for everyone else in the pick-up community.
Ollie
I never listened to his podcasts. By the time he started doing them, I was already great at pick-up. I don't need life advice either, and it sounds like that's mostly what the podcasts were. For me the most valuable content at the start were the "infield" videos. I just needed to see a bunch of examples of how it's done, and then I was off to the races. I learn incredibly fast.